The Now What Pod

Dr. E’Toyare “Torie”  Williams joins The Now What Pod to share her expertise in the area of Adverse Childhood Experiences. In this episode, you’ll learn more about how what ACEs are, why they matter, and what your ACEs score is. 
 
Topics Discussed:
What are ACEs?
Childhood Trauma
Generaltional Trauma
Getting therapy for ACEs
ACEs Awareness
The ACEs quiz: What’s your score?
 
Resources:
https://www.bevictorieus.com/
https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/aces/index.html
https://www.ajpmonline.org/article/S0749-3797(98)00017-8/fulltext
https://developingchild.harvard.edu/media-coverage/take-the-ace-quiz-and-learn-what-it-does-and-doesnt-mean/
 
The Now What Pod Episode Quotes: 
“We’re talking about life. Nobody is perfect”
“The key word is Trauma”
About Dr E’Toyare Williams:
https://www.bevictorieus.com/
I am Dr. E’Toyare Williams, an Educational consultant, Certified Life Coach, Motivational Speaker, and Mentor. As a current Director of Special Education with 20 years of experience.  I am a HUGE advocate for Adverse Childhood Experience (ACEs). I completed my dissertation on the topic after addressing my own childhood trauma growing up. I have not only learned more about the psychological effects of ACEs on young minds, but also about the long-term health complications that can come from recurring exposure to ACEs. Now that I understand how toxic stress affects the minds and bodies of children, I want to educate others about ACEs while helping children build social-emotional skills and resilience and teachers with personal and professional development on ACEs.
 
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Diana joins The Now What Pod to share her story of surviving The Troubled Teen Industry. She describes herself the trauma she experienced as a child when her father was killed by a drunk driver, and how in part, that trauma led to her “acting out” as a teenager. Her mother, desperate for help, then sent Diana to a residential treatment program designed to reform youth.  Diana would spend the next three years of her life enduring isolation, abuse, and brainwashing. She now bravely shares her story to help raise awareness about this industry. 
 
Topics Discussed:
The Troubled Teen Industry
Childhood trauma
Arriving at Ivy Ridge
Life in “treatment”
Lasting effects of the Troubled Teen Industry
Advocacy
 
Resources:
Breaking Code Silence 
https://www.breakingcodesilence.org/
 
Trapped in Treatment https://podsauce.com/articles/paris-hilton-shares-her-survival-story-in-trapped-in-treatment/
The Now What Pod Episode Quotes: 
“This is a Cult, I’m being lied to”
“What are you doing to make up for what you did to us?”
“This is why I don't forgive them is because we were young. Our brains were still forming. We were still trying to understand the world and make sense of our existence.”
“I'm not gonna lie. I'm afraid of pain, but I do know that unless I like look at it and deal with it, it's not gonna go away.”
 
About Diana Nowak:
Diana is a survivor of the troubled teen industry (also referred to as the TTI), where she spent over three years in her youth. In addition to being an advocate for other survivors, she is now a writer, tutor, and manager of her company’s event coordinating department in Chicago. In her free time, she collaborates on documentaries and photography projects to try to bring an end to the TTI’s corrupt programs and schools.
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Nina Purewal faced an unexpected tragedy as a teenager. She joins The Now What Pod to talk about the impact the murder-suicide of her father and brother had on her life and how it ultimately led her to an ashram in Northern California. Her loss and work to heal inspired not only a lifelong love of mindfulness & meditation but also a change in career, best-selling book and more.
Topics Discussed:
• Jen & Tesha spend some time talking current events (CW abortion)
• Introductions and talk about Nina's body of work
• How sharing stories help us let go of the shame around mental health & grief
• The story of her father's & brother's death, how public it was and how it felt for Nina. Survivor's guilt
• Nina's relationship with her mother and how supportive she was.
• The pressure to just keep going and keep living. Finishing high school and going through university and getting a degree  and working in corporate without ever having fully dealt with the trauma.
• Leaving it all to go to an ashram for a year with her mother and how that led to the work she does now
• Letting go of the "shoulds" and not letting society dictate what makes a happy or successful life and how to parent kids who can see past that.
Resources:
From the Intro
Supreme Court Overturns Roe v Wade https://www.npr.org/2022/06/24/1102305878/supreme-court-abortion-roe-v-wade-decision-overturn
Abortion Rights Coalition Canada https://www.arcc-cdac.ca/
Action Canada for Sexual & Health Rights https://www.actioncanadashr.org/
National Network of Abortion Funds https://abortionfunds.org/
 
From the episode
Nina's Website https://www.pureminds.ca/
It's Ok to Ask Podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/its-ok-to-ask/id1596680248
Let That Sh*t Go by Nina Purewal & Kate Petriw https://amzn.to/3Nnjryw
When The Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress by Gabor Mate https://amzn.to/3OuXVcu 



About Nina Purewal:
Nina Purewal faced an unexpected childhood tragedy, which inspired her mindfulness and meditation journey over twenty years ago. After climbing the corporate ladder in sales & marketing for nearly a decade, she took a sabbatical and moved to California to unplug and live in an ashram for a year to further her learning of ancient wisdom and letting go. It’s been her greatest passion to help others find happiness through adversity. With that, she founded Pure Minds, a social enterprise that conducts mindfulness and meditation workshops for the corporate sector, with over 45 clients. She is the co-author of the International Bestseller, Let That Sh*t Go and has also partnered with A Kids Company About as a podcast host and kids meditation mentor. Find Nina on Instagram at @nina.pure.minds 
 
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Serena was born with a silver spoon in her mouth, but it tarnished. Her life fell apart when she was just four years old. After her parents divorce, Serena’s brother went to live with her father, while she remained with her mother. Then one day, when left unsupervised, her older brother died in a tragic accident. This event precipitated years of being bounced around between family members. Not living with her biological parents, Serena felt a drive to be self-sufficient, and has found entrepreneurial success. In the episode of The Now What Pod, Serena joins us to share her story. 
 
Topics Discussed:
Serena’s childhood
The Accident
Learning of her Brother’s Death
How children process death
Survival
Becoming Financially Independent
Being an entrepreneur during the pandemic
Becoming a mom during Covid 
Shared Custody
 
Resources:
Buy Serena’s Book https://amzn.to/3navFzT
 
About Serena Holmes:
Serena Holmes is the CEO of multi-award winning brand experience agency Tigris Events. She has spearheaded more than 12,000 brand building activations across Canada over the last 18 years.
In addition, she recently transitioned her real estate license and launched her first book, The Accidental Entrepreneur – which is part memoir, part “nuts and bolts” business book.
The book chronicles Serena’s experience going from surviving a difficult childhood to thriving as a self-styled, private enterprise, thriving entrepreneur.
 
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CW: abortion
 
The Now What Pod is joined by post-abortion life coach, Amanda Star Kingsley. After an unexpected pregnancy, Amanda, a married mother of three, chose to have an abortion. Amanda discovered that this was a complex and emotional experience.  In this episode, we discuss abortion laws, deciding to have an abortion, the stigma of abortion, abortion access, and healing after abortion. 
Topics Discussed:
U.S. Abortion Laws
The Decision to have an Abortion
Stigma of Abortion 
Life After Abortion
Supporting and Feeling Supported 
Planned Parenthood
Abortion Access
Post-Abortion coaching 
 
Resources:
Roe vs.Wade https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roe_v._Wade
Working Moms imdb.com/title/tt6143796/
Planned Parenthood Toronto https://ppt.on.ca/
Planned Parenthood US https://www.plannedparenthood.org/
 
About Amanda Star Kingsley:
Amanda Kingsley is a Certified Feminist Life Coach and Doula. She is the host of the Speaking Light Into Abortion podcast. And the Author of ‘What I Wish: 100 love notes to help you survive, come alive, and thrive after abortion.’ After her own unanticipated abortion as a mother of three, she recognized the need for a wider conversation around the complex emotional landscape of life after abortion. She reminds her audience that it’s okay to feel all the feelings after abortion, and that we can honor our decisions by living the life we made our choice for. You can learn more and connect with her at www.amandastarkingsley.com 
IG @amandastarkingsley
 
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CW: Suicidal ideation, sexual abuse, alcohol abuse, domestic violence
 
Charlene joins The Now What Pod to talk about the impact that the sexual abuse she experienced as a child had on her. As a teen and adult, Charlene struggled with alcohol abuse, mental illness, and suicidal ideology. The one day, just 2 days before she planned to take her own life, everything changed. She flipped the script and was able to begin the healing process, and find her purpose.
Topics Discussed:
The sexual abuse: Charlene talks about how she came to be living with her grandparents, and how the abuse at the hands of her grandfather began.
Alcohol abuse: Charlene talks about leaning on alcohol as a coping mechanism
Writing as an outlet
Suicidal ideation, attepting suicide
Domestic violence: Charlene entered into unhealthy relationships while seeking validation
Trying to outrun her problems by moving far away
Creating Happiness for herself
Insecurities as a woman and mother
Handling setbacks
Gratitude, Morning Routines, Starting your day in a clear balance
Supporting others: How can we hold space for others, allowing them to feel their feelings without trying to fix it. 
 
Resources:
www.ascensionwellnessstudio.com
www.charlenemadden-speaker.com
The 5AM Club
https://www.amazon.ca/AM-Club-Morning-Elevate-Life/dp/1443456624
Miracle Morning: https://www.amazon.ca/Miracle-Morning-Not-So-Obvious-Guaranteed-Transform/dp/0979019710/ref=asc_df_0979019710/?tag=googleshopc0c-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=292938044607&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=12146600924608737235&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1002468&hvtargid=pla-345853580821&psc=1
 
About Charlene Madden:
Charlene Madden has admittedly spent most of her life living in a state of darkness.  After experiencing over 9 years of sexualized trauma at the hands of her grandfather, a decade of domestic violence, and 3+ decades of mental illness and suicidal ideology, she was just 2 days away from taking her life when she attended  a women's workshop where everything changed.  She was able to take off her blinders, begin the healing process, and find her Purpose by turning her Mess into a Message of Hope, Evolution, and Transformation that she now shares with people all over the world.  Charlene is a Mother of 3 amazing children, a wife, daughter, Reiki Practitioner, Women's Empowerment Coach.
Connect with Charlene: 
https://www.instagram.com/charlene_anne_madden
https://www.facebook.com/charleneannemadden
https://www.facebook.com/igniteyourlifebc
https://twitter.com/MaddenAuthor
https://ca.linkedin.com/in/charlene-madden-speaker-and-author
 
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Sherente, a Two Spirit member of the Narragansett tribe, joins The Now What Pod to share their story of overcoming the discrimination they faced when they decided to compete in a dance traditionally performed only by women. Sherenté talks about their two spirit identity and how they are breaking barriers while fighting for Indigenous visibility.  Sherente takes the time to explain what it means to be a two-spirit and to teach us about Narragansett culture and history in this thought provoking episode. 
 
Topics Discussed:
Two Spirit: What does it mean to be Two Spirit? What was the traditional role of two-spirits in the Narragansett community? 
Identifying as Two Spirit: Sherente shares their journey of coming out, being accepted
Powwows and Pow Wow Dances: Sherente describes Powwows, both historically and at present. They share their experience deciding to compete in a dance traditionally performed by women. 
 
Narragansett Culture and History
 
Narragansett People: A brief history of the Narragansett People
 
Resources:
Complete the Circle https://www.uri.edu/tedx/talks/sherente-harris-complete-the-circle/
Documentary: Being Thunder https://www.imdb.com/title/tt14908696/
 
About Sherenté Harris:
Sherenté Mishitashin Harris intertwines stories of cultural existence with their Two Spirit identity, to evoke emotion, spark dialogue, and amplify ideologies that are too often silenced. Sherenté’s efforts oppose the prolonged issue of Indigenous invisibility. Sherenté is Niantic Narragansett and a citizen of the Narragansett Tribal Nation. Named a 2019 LGBT History Month Icon, Sherenté is also a 2018 Presidential and Rhode Island Foundation Carter Roger Williams Scholar and is currently enrolled in a five year dual degree program at Brown University and Rhode Island School of Design.
S/he can be found on IG @sherente
 
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The Now What Pod talks with Instamom,  Melissa Rainer. Melissa shared her motherhood journey, from stepmom, to bio mom, and then legal mom. Melissa dishes the real real of being a stepmom, and the challenges she faced before finally adopting her step children. 
 
Resources:
Instamom Pod https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/instamom-podcast/id1587915577
 
About Melissa Rainer:
Melissa was a stepmom first, BioMom second, and now legal mom forever. She shares her story on her podcast Instamom from the beginning of becoming a stepmom and is working through to how she was able to adopt her stepdaughters. She always felt alone in her feelings of being a stepmom, which lead her to start the podcast. Being a primary parent without any legal standing really caused a lot of stressful situations. They have been a legal family for a year now but the difficulty of working through abandonment, disparagement & broken hearts is never ending. 
Follow Melissa @instamompod
 
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This week, The Now What Pod meets with Megan Hillukka who is a bereaved mother, with 7 children, one who died at 15 months old. When Megan was 36 weeks pregnant her daughter, Aria, died. Megan was caught between saying goodbye to one child, while welcoming a new child into the world. In this episode, Megan shares her experience with the death of her daughter, and what she has learned about grief. She now uses her experience to coach other grieving moms, and shares so much of her wisdom with us. 
 
Topics Discussed:
Aria: Megan tells us all about her daughter Aria, who died suddenly at 15 months old.
 
After Aria Died: In the aftermath of Aria’s death, Megan suffered from PTSD. She desperately  wanted to care for her kids and be the best mother she could be, but struggled with grieving and did not want to be left alone with her children
 
Keeping Aria as part of the family: Megan talks about how her family keeps Aria’s memory alive by continuing to talk about her often 
 
Grief in Social situations: Megan describes how she navigates social situations where people do  not know what to say. Initially, Megan withdrew from social situations and chose to surround herself with only a few people. She also talks about how she manages telling new people about Aria. 
 
Grieving: Through her experience of the death of her daughter Aria, Megan has learned how to feel her emotions, be aware of her thoughts and how much they matter, and learned that grief is with her the rest of her life, and she can ride the waves of it.
 
Coaching mothers through grief: Megan now encourages and supports grieving mothers. She helps others learn how to process and move through the emotions of grief through tapping and meditations, and provides a place of safety and compassion. Megan teaches us about she she calls clean grief and dirty grief. 
Resources:
Grieving Moms Podcast:
https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/grieving-moms-podcast/id1473859194
Grieving Moms Haven www.grievingmomshaven.com/bundle/hope
About Megan Hillukka:
Megan Hillukka is a bereaved mother, with 7 children, one who died at 15 months old. Megan encourages and supports grieving mothers that though the worst thing has happened to them, their life is not over. Through her experience of the death of her daughter Aria, Megan has learned how to feel her emotions, be aware of her thoughts and how much they matter, and learned that grief is with her the rest of her life, and she can ride the waves of it. Because Megan has done the deep work of grief, she now has room for joy, laughter, hope, and so much fun in her life. She will never forget her daughter Aria and they talk about her often as a family. She helps moms learn how to process and move through the emotions of grief through tapping and meditations, and provides a place of safety and compassion within grief, so that they too can feel themselves again and hope for their future.
 
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Nova Reeves joins The Now What Pod to discuss the murder of her mother by “The Green River Killer”. As a child, Nova was frequently left responsible for the care of her younger sisters, while her mother struggled with drug use and undiagnosed mental health issues. Then, one day her mother disappeared and was never seen again. 
 
In this episode, Nova shares the impact that her upbringing, and her mother’s murder has had on her life, and how she has learned to grieve the death of somebody she had already lost.
 
Topics Discussed:
Upbringing: Nova talks about her upbringing with a mentally ill mother, and being thrust in the role of caregiver for her younger siblings. 
 
Grieving the Loss of her Mother: Nova has begun healing from wounds left by her mother. As part of her grieving process she has tried to unearth who her mother was by learning as much as she could about her. For Nova, writing poetry about her mother as played a major role in her healing. 
 
Impact: Nove discusses how her early experiences have led to struggling with intimacy and boundaries.
 
Bipolar Disorder and PTSD: Nova shares what life is like for her living as an adult with Bipolar Disorder, and PTSD
 
Being a BIrth Mother: Nova describes the rationale beyond her own decision to place her child in an open adoption, and what her relationship is like with her son. 
 
Generational trauma: In this episode, we learn who Marta was. Nova shares information about her mother's childhood and upbringing, and the threads of generation trauma are obvious. 
 
Resources:
Bipolar Disorderhttps://mdsc.ca/edu/what-is-bipolar-disorder/?gclid=Cj0KCQjwmuiTBhDoARIsAPiv6L_7xDApvVoRM-1AdPRvxjPyng2GPLdPR7wZLMULdSQhQ0FX1nyPWD8aAgcnEALw_wcB
Catching Killers: television serieshttps://www.imdb.com/title/tt15723914/
MMVR murder victims reconciliation (texas): Murder Victims’ Families for Reconciliationhttp://ami.mvfr-tx.tripod.com/
Viva Victims advocacyhttps://outto.us/mnstrm/main
 
About Nova Reeves:
Nova Reeves is an American poet and birth mother from the San Francisco area.  Her work can be accessed by emailing novareeves@gmail.com to acquire a copy of her zine, entitled "Mother, Meadow, Stones".  Additional work can be accessed by googling Nova Reeves and The Opiate Magazine for poetry, Nova Reeves and the Tacoma Tribune, for an op-ed on the death penalty, and Nova Reeves also on the podcast This is Actually Happening.
 
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